Michelle Writes Fiction: Opening Chapter of The Burden of Memory

Hello everyone,
This post is a little different from our usual post because instead of giving my opinion about other people's writing, I am putting up my own writing up into the Internet void.

Putting my own work out, especially a fiction, is scary. And, surprisingly, very personal because it is something originating from my own imagination. It's all me--as oppose to say an essay where I do a lot research to support my ideas and opinions. But if I want to be serious about my secret dream [that I don't want to be kept secret anymore] of becoming a writer I think a good first step is to have other people outside of Leslie read what I write and maybe get some opinions.

I wrote this a couple of months ago. It's the opening chapter of an idea I had floating around in my head. I don't know yet if I want to keep going with the story.

The working title is The Burden of Memory. I edited some but I suck at editing so there might be some grammatical typos in there. Please let me know what you think.

If you cannot view/read it above, click here.

Thank you for reading,

P.S. Any constructive criticism is welcome.


  1. This is a fun change! Putting one's writing out there is always scary, but being able to do that is a very important step in the journey. Congrats on taking it! :)

    As for the story, we're definitely intrigued about where this is going. Seems like an "edgy contemporary" story, maybe a contemporary mystery? We like the way you've established the main characters and conflict right away, and hinted at some deeper back story.

    At this point it's hard to give much advice, since 3 pages is not a lot of context. Generally speaking we think it's always good practice to read one's work aloud, to make sure the sentences are flowing easily and the dialogue sounds realistic. Other than that, just keep going!

    And have fun!

  2. thank you for reading and your feedback :)

  3. I think this is wonderful! Your writing voice is very smooth and the tension is there in almost every sentence. My only suggestion would be to take out the background info in the paragraph about her dad beating her up--keeps the tension up that way, and you can include it later. I'm so excited for you! =)


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